mateo’s confession
when you told me you were leaving the country, i panicked and joked that now I’d never get to have sex with you. But i wanted more than that. You confessed you’d always liked me and came right over to see me. We talked some more and the words you said warmed me down to the soul. They made want you so much- sexually and emotionally and i flirted with the idea of waiting for you. Put my life on hold in way. Still see other people, but reserve my heart for you. We only kissed- there was no time for anything else, and it was too soon anyway. But then u called and said u couldn’t stop thinking about me, so we made plans to meet up the night b4 u left. I was so happy, yet so nervous. What were u expecting? Sex? I wanted to but i didn’t want to. That goodbye we had was perfect, i didn’t want anything that would ruin that. But we made plans anyway, and i waited for the day to arrive. It did and …nothing. I texted u…nothing. You stood me up, left me hanging in the worst way. I had bad panic/anxiety attacks for about 2 months after that. My body literally ached at the thought of what you’d done. Any thought of that made me sick to the stomach, and my chest would tighten up like i was having a heart attack. I guess i was. Not once in that time did u reach out to me. That was so cold. I could see u on this networking site we both on, and i’d stalk yr profile and u seemd happy enough with yr life in yr new city. Forgotten about me and the pain u left behind. Thing is i trusted you, thought u were so smart- and emotionally intelligent…but i guess u weren’t. Just as callous as other other cat out there. U couldn’t text me to cancel? I guess not, i am taking this shit soooooooooo hard and yr apologies are not enough. I will never trust you again- but i will smile and talk to u like we still cool. But i will never forget it, and i will never give u any time like that. But i should count my blessings in a way- i guess i lucked out. Imagine how u’d duck if we;d actually made it all the way to the alter or if i was pregnant with yr child. Fuck that and fuck you!!!
